01 Nov Happiness tips from Lionel Ketchian
HAPPINESS IS JOB 1
Can you imagine happiness being more important than anything else in your life? Happiness is the desired end result of everything you do. Everything else is a means to an end, except happiness which is an end in itself. It’s what we all want. So, why don’t we make it our first priority?
Imagine that happiness is the most important thing in the world to you. Imagine that happiness is more important than the one you love. Are you having trouble with that concept? You might say: “How can I do that, what a selfish thing to do!” If you told the person you loved, that your happiness was more important than they were, you might dread them saying; “How selfish! You should not be concerned with your happiness. If you loved me, you should be more concerned with making me happy, after all, isn’t that what love is?” No, that is not what love is like, that is what addiction looks like. Addiction says, “I need your love and approval to make me happy.”
By wanting to be loved, you are allowing your desire to control you. It is only by choosing happiness, being happy, and by making happiness your first priority, that you will ever be happy. Only when you are happy can you give happiness to another. Let me be clear about this; you can give happiness to another person, that does not mean they will take it. Giving it is up to you, taking it is up to them.
Being happy is not selfish. Is it selfish for a baby to learn to walk? Of course not; it is part of the baby’s road to maturity. The difference between you and a baby, is that a baby tries to do all it can for itself, by relying on the help of others. Like the baby, you are relying on outside sources to make you happy. That will not work any more. Mature individuals are responsible for their own thinking, feelings, needs, and actions. Being unhappy is acting with immaturity and uncertainty. Your ability to learn to be happy will determine your level of maturity.
When you are unhappy, you are spending your time being self-involved. You are allowing what you want to determine how you feel about yourself and other people. Unhappiness is selfishness, because it is all about what you want. It is only when you are being happy that you can involve yourself with other people in a positive manner.
Okay, now imagine being happy and making happiness job # 1 in your life. With happiness at you side, it will be your pleasure to make your loved one happy as well. Most importantly, you would not want to make them unhappy or hurt them in any way. Happiness allows you to take responsibility for yourself. In this way, you are able to respond better to other people. Being happy allows you the opportunity to experience real freedom. You do this by not letting other people control you.
This freedom allows you to be happy, feel happy, and give happiness to others as well. Remember, you can’t share what you do not have. Only by having freedom, are you free to give. If not for your freedom, you would not be giving happiness to others, you would be allowing them to take it from you!
When you get to the point that happiness is the most important thing to you, then you are at the juncture of experiencing love. Most people are unhappy because they are looking for love by looking for someone to love them. They are looking for love because they are certain they need it. What they really need is happiness.
To prove this point, when you ask someone why they are getting married, they say: “Because I am in love.” After some time, if they are getting a diverse, and you ask them why, they say: ” Because I am not happy.” Happiness was always important. It was always there as the key ingredient to love.
Once you can use happiness as your strategy for living, you come face to face with love. When you are being happy, you connect with love. Love springs from happiness. Peace and freedom are the effects of happiness, and that is where love originates. It is only when you tap into the happiness within you, that you experience real love!
This is love you can freely share with the people in your life! This is love with no conditions, love without wanting to control or change the other person. When you come from this kind of love, others will know you are being real. What the world needs now is for you to show your love. You need to give your love in order to experience your happiness. It does not matter what others do. The important attitude for you will be to share your love and happiness with others.
Happiness allows you to work through selfishness and come to a place very few people have been able to experience. It is a place which is a loving, peaceful aspect of freedom and happiness called bliss. A description of bliss might be defined as a permanent state of happiness. In this state, no one controls you to make you happy or unhappy, because you have taken control of yourself.
Do not betray your true nature to be happy. Do not deceive yourself with unhappiness. Happiness is right there within you. Reach in and touch!
BE HAPPY ZONE by Lionel Ketchian. Published in the Fairfield Citizen-News on October 22, 2008.