27 May A large part of happiness is love…so learn how to love with these 7 great rules!
Chris Petersen, one of the grandfathers of positive psychology said…other people matter.
George Valliant, one of the most respected researchers in the area of longevity and quality of life cited love as the most important variable he'd discovered in all his work.
With this in mind, we're happy to share with you this nice article by Ginger Kern…
A few months ago, I was celebrating New Years back in the USA with old friends, reveling in the good vibes that come from happy reunions and celebrations of what life has brought within the past year.
I was catching up with a close friend of mine when he suddenly changed the topic of conversation from travel plans to what my new resolutions were.
His question took me by surprise; I honestly hadn’t given any thought to it. Without thinking about it, I said the first thing that came to my mind:
“To be more loving to people.”
He gave me a knowing smile and said, “That’s a really good one.” We continued the conversation along other lines and didn’t revisit the topic.
It was only the next day that I thought over what I had said. It changed my approach to the last few days of my yearly visit home, prompting me to mend up old gripes with my parents, and it set a new tone for returning to daily life in Frankfurt.
About two months later, just before Valentine’s Day, a friend lent me a book she had just finished reading and thought I would like. It’s called The Rules of Love: A Personal Code for Happier, More Fulfilling Relationships, by Richard Templar, and is a mix of common sense ideas and well-put principles for growing fulfilling relationships throughout life and building up the love that is already there.
But some of the “rules” seemed a bit too passive to me, if I held them up to my new resolution of being more loving.
Being more loving means taking action.
There are times for airy, dreamy talk about love, but even better are the concrete, down-to-earth ways to actively cultivate love on a daily basis.
To act on my resolution and share the love with you, I’d like to offer you my favorite ideas inspired from concepts in The Rules of Love: 7 powerful ways to bring more love – of all kinds – into your life:
1. Be able to be happy on your own
(Rule 3: you won’t be happy with a partner until you can be happy on your own)
As the author puts it, “this doesn’t mean be a hermit, but it does mean taking as much time as you need to become happy with yourself.”
It’s a question of finding a balance in relying on a combination of internal and external sources of happiness.
Are you capable of providing yourself with a certain amount of happiness in the first place? If not, can you expect to fill the “happiness gap” sustainably by seeking it only in external sources?
I’d like to share with you 3 mini power strategies to be happy on your own:
> Recognize that you always have a choice: you can view being on your own as a negative thing, or you can embrace it.
> Once you’ve gotten over that first mental hurdle of discomfort, commit to using this chance of being on your own to discover more about yourself.
> If you notice yourself scrambling for things to distract you from being on your own, take a second to check in with yourself. Are you taking good care of yourself? What could you do immediately that would bring you back into balance?
(A Social Person’s Guide to Being Happy Alone goes more in-depth on this topic, in parts one and two).
The thing is, it’s easier to share love with other people if you’re happy with yourself. If you’re in balance and taking responsibility for your own happiness, it’s all the more natural to want others to experience it too.
2. Make them laugh
(Rule 5: choose someone who makes you laugh)
Humor is a funny thing – in both the amusing and odd sense of the word “funny”. When you laugh, you exert muscles to produce your own personal “ha ha” sound, which triggers an increase in endorphins (the feel-good brain chemicals).
Think about when you’ve experienced social laughter: relaxed and contagious, it creates closeness within a group of friends, for example.
Humor has shown to be effective for increasing resilience in dealing with distress. Laughing is proven to increase pain resistance and is effective in undoing the impact of negative emotions.
What does that mean? Make someone laugh, and you’re being a sneaky ninja in their brain undoing stress! What’s not to love about that?
3. Accept the differences, embrace what you have in common
To love is to accept. If you want to bring more love into your life, you have to accept the supportive people who are already there.
Sure, some of them are going to drive you nuts at times, but if they feel that you see the benefit of their quirks and oddities, they’ll feel more comfortable and will be more inclined to show how thankful they are by sending positivity your way.
We know that the best teams contain people with different strengths. The sooner you can get to the core of a person, determine their strengths and put aside any differences, the sooner you’ll surround yourself with a great “team” of supportive, lovely people and awesome relationships…
…keep reading the full and original article HERE