03 Apr The recipe for a happy marriage!
Some (men) say…a happy wife, a happy life!
There's no doubt there's some truth to this because those people who have happy and positive intimate relationships tend also to have happy and positive lives.
This also extends to ALL of our relationships and the research clearly indicates that for happiness, we should work on developing and fostering and cultivating as many good relationships as possible.
So even if you're not married you can still apply these simple but powerful strategies to other parts of your life but who ever you are and what ever your situation, remember always that other people matter…
by Eric Barker from TIME
New York Times writer Tara Parker-Pope pulled together the science behind nuptial bliss in her book For Better.
Here’s the seven point recipe for a happy marriage that she spells out:
1) Celebrate Good News
Turns out divorce isn’t as much about increased negative things as it is about decreased positive things.
“We’ve found that the positives are more and more important,” says Howard Markman, codirector of the Center for Marital and Family Studies at the University of Denver and one of the nation’s leading marriage researchers. “It turns out that the amount of fun couples have and the strength of their friendships are a strong predictor of their future.”
What to do? Celebrate the good moments more.
Research shows that couples who regularly celebrate the good times have higher levels of commitment, intimacy, trust, and relationship satisfaction… It’s not enough that your partner knows that you take pride in his or her accomplishments. You have to show it. Making a fuss over the small, good things that happen every day can boost the health of your marriage.
2) Five To One
How many good moments do you need to make up for the bad ones? Research has a ratio for you: 5 to 1.
You don’t need to count every single positive and negative but if they’re nearly equal, your chance of divorce shoots way up.
As University of Washington researchers reviewed the data, a striking pattern emerged. In stable marriages, there are at least five times more positive interactions than negative ones. When the ratio starts to drop, the marriage is at high risk for divorce. In real life, no couple can keep a running tally of positive and negative displays. There are hundreds of them that happen in any given day. But in a practical sense, the lesson is that a single “I’m sorry” after bad behavior isn’t enough. For every snide comment or negative outburst in a marriage, a person needs to ramp up the positives so the good-to-bad ratio doesn’t fall to a risky level.
3) Keep Your Standards High
More and more people are told their expectations for marriage are too high. Research says the reverse: people who expect more, get more.
Don’t settle for a second-rate marriage.
Dr. Baucom found that people who have idealistic standards, who really want to be treated well and who want romance and passion from their marriage, end up getting that kind of marriage. Men and women with low standards, who don’t expect good treatment, communication, or romance, end up in relationships that don’t offer those things… Husbands and wives who hold their partners to a reasonably high standard have better marriages. If you expect a better, more satisfying relationship, you improve your chances of having one…
…keep reading HERE for the full & original article plus links to a number of other great, related articles