25 Aug 6 ways to be more loved
Eric Barker is one of our favourite writers and he often publishes great articles on happiness and happiness related topics.
This one, is about how to be more loved and loveable which is undoubtedly, key to happiness.
So check out his 6 tips below and then find ways to integrate them into your life…
by Eric Barker
We would all like to know how to be loved by everyone.
In the end, who are our favorite people? Those who understand us and listen. Someone we can turn to and honestly say, “You get me.”
That really comes down to one skill: listening. And it’s something most of us are awful at.
In an age of sub-zero attention spans, focus is a superpower. And focusing on others is even more rare.
When I asked the #1 love researcher, John Gottman, what the best thing to do to improve a relationship was, what did he say?
Learn how to be a good listener.
And it’s no different at the office. Why do nearly 50% of people quit their jobs?
They didn’t feel their boss listened to them.
Another study released by the US Department of Labor concluded that 46 percent of those who quit their jobs did so because they felt not listened to and were therefore unappreciated. Consider this: almost half the workforce will leave their job because they didn’t feel like their boss was listening.
So listening is serious business. You want everyone to think you’re awesome? Want to be a good friend, partner, or leader? Well, listen up. Here we go…
1) Be A Detective
Don’t think of a conversation as a tennis match. Instead, see it as a detective game.
How do you master the skill of being interested— and be sincere when you do it? The first key is to stop thinking of conversation as a tennis match. (He scored a point. Now I need to score a point.) Instead, think of it as a detective game, in which your goal is to learn as much about the other person as you can. Go into the conversation knowing that there is something very interesting about the person, and be determined to discover it.
Rather than having to fake being interested, turning it into a detective game actually makes you interested. And this makes the other person feel special.
Detectives ask questions. And so should you. And when they become engaged in telling you something use a special little technique I like to call: “just shut up.”
The second key to being interested is to ask questions that demonstrate that you want to know more…
Eventually, one of your questions will click and you’ll see the person lean forward eagerly to tell you something with enthusiasm or intensity. When that happens, do the right thing: Shut up. Listen. Listen some more. And then, once the person reaches a stopping point, ask another question that proves that you heard (and care about) what the person said.
Okay, Sherlock, you’re playing detective. After being curious and interested, what should you do next?
2) How Little Can You Say?
We all love talking about ourselves and it’s hard to resist.
The measure of self-assurance is how deeply and sincerely interested you are in others; the measure of insecurity is how much you try to impress them with you.
The game we all usually play is: How smart can I make myself sound?
Bad game. You want the other person to feel good. Let them sound smart.
So here’s the game I like to play: How little can I say?
The fewer words you speak, the more points you get. The only exception is asking questions when they pause.
Don’t be interesting. Be interested.
Eventually you need to say something. What should it be?
…keep reading more from the full & original article HERE