12 Oct How to stop wasting energy trying to please everyone!
via the Huffington Post by Kali Rogers
People pleasing. The worst.
You know, I bet we burn more calories wondering what other people are thinking about us, or doing things for other people so that they will like us, than we do actually exercising. And to make matters worse, it totally burns us out. We can only keep putting others' priorities and goals before our own before one day we just don't have the energy anymore. I've been there. Haven't you?
So let's quit.
Being a good friend/partner/mother/daughter/niece/coworker can always be a priority of ours — being a nice human is fun. But being a doormat is really, really not. So here are ways to make sure that you are doing things for other people because it is important to you — not because you feel obligated. Here is how to stop people pleasing for good.
1. Assume It's Not About You
We know how it goes. You're beat bopping through the office, super pumped about your recent progress review, and it happens. You make eye contact with your co-worker…and it just doesn't feel right.
Is she pissed? What was that look? Does she think I'm stupid because of that meeting? Wait, maybe she's jealous of my upcoming promotion. But like, what the hell did I ever do to her? Why would I deserve this kind of treatment? IT'S AN OUTRAGE I TELL YOU!
Ok, calm down there tiger. Perhaps your co-worker is having a rough day. We hear she got dumped last night, stubbed her toe on the curb, drooled toothpaste all over her brand new blouse this morning, and her monthly bill came a few days early.
So, it's actually not about you at all. That look was the result of her pondering over how she's going to tell her family she's coming to the family wedding sans one date. Poor babe. She is not a happy camper — and certainly doesn't have the energy to worry about what kind of looks she is or isn't giving.
If we constantly assume that every look, every comment, or every vibe has to do with us, we will be consumed with people pleasing thoughts all day every day. So, instead, we have to assume it's not about us.
Unless someone directly comes up to us and says 'HEY YOU ARE A TOOL BAG!'…then we're just going to assume other humans are dealing with their own stuff, and we are free to keep being awesome. It will save us lots of energy and lots of negative icky feelings.
P.S. — not only does this open up some space in your mind, but it also forces people to grow a pair if you actually DID do something to tick them off. If they want you to know how they feel, they're going to have to speak up. Passive aggression goes out the window, allowing us to clear the air. Much better!
…keep reading the full & original article HERE