03 Jun What if happiness was accepting your partner will NEVER be perfect AND suffering is essential to life?
via Chris Weller
If you ask philosopher Alain de Botton, spouses should take comfort in the fact that they piss each other off every now and then.
It could just be a sign that a marriage is running smoothly.
In a recent op-ed for the New York Times, entitled "Why You Will Marry the Wrong Person," de Botton challenges the romantic notion that successful marriages contain no conflict.
People can't be perfect for one another, he argues. Suffering is inevitable, which means the only important choice is "which particular variety of suffering we would most like to sacrifice ourselves for."
As bleak as this premise may seem, de Botton argues that his philosophy is actually liberating for couples. People who embrace their significant other's flaws — and stay mindful of their own imperfections — don't get nearly as upset when their partner does something offensive like forget a birthday or leave dirty clothes on the floor.
"It might sound odd," he writes, "but pessimism relieves the excessive imaginative pressure that our romantic culture places upon marriage. The failure of one particular partner to save us from our grief and melancholy is not an argument against that person and no sign that a union deserves to fail or be upgraded."
De Botton's pessimism has research on its side — relationship psychologist Dr. John Gottman has repeatedly determined that successful marriages necessarily include fights…
…keep reading the full & original article HERE