22 Mar There is no happiness without self-compassion
I’ve studied and practiced psychology, in various forms, for approximately 25 years.
I’ve focused on Positive Psychology and happiness for the last 15 or so.
And if I’ve learned one thing about happiness and wellbeing, professionally and personally, it’s that there is NOTHING without self-compassion.
Being kind to ourselves is both the simplest and hardest strategy to apply. Being kind to ourselves is the heart and soul of REAL happiness.
If this is something you’d like to add to your happiness repertoire; or something you’ve tried but want to improve, then check out this short but very useful article…
via Psychology Today by Marianna Pogosyan
“To love oneself,” wrote Oscar Wilde, “is the beginning of a life-long romance.” As is the tale of every love story, times will bring both sun and storm, testing our deepest intentions on how we relate to ourselves. Love comes easy on good days, when our self-esteem stands tall on our accomplishments. It’s when we fall that our self-directed goodwill often deserts us. Suddenly, we remember all our faults. Our internal monologue muds with harsh judgments. We blame and shame ourselves for our pain. We abandon ourselves and look to whoever (and whatever) would give us comfort. One way to winning back our own hearts and reclaiming our well-being is through self-compassion.
As a concept derived from Buddhist psychology, self-compassion entails treating oneself with kindness and care, like we would treat a dear friend. Kristin Neff, one of the leading self-compassion researchers, has identified 3 main components(link is external) of self-compassion: self-kindness, feelings of common humanity, and mindfulness. Self-kindness(link is external) refers to acting in kind and understanding ways towards ourselves. For example, instead of being critical (I’m so disorganized! I’ll never be successful!), our inner voice is supportive and warm (It’s OK that I missed the deadline. I worked hard and I’ll make it next time). A sense of common humanity(link is external) is the recognition that everyone makes mistakes and no one is without their weaknesses. Accepting that we are not alone in our suffering comforts us with feelings of inclusivity rather than alienation. Finally, mindfulness (link is external)offers a “meta-perspective” on our hardships, helping us to not exaggerate our distress and become engulfed by it.
A wealth of research(link is external) has shown the positive consequences of self-compassion on numerous aspects of our wellbeing, including a greater life satisfaction, emotional intelligence, interconnectedness with others, wisdom, curiosity, happiness and optimism. Self-compassion is also associated with less self-criticism, depression, anxiety, fear of failure, and perfectionism (Neff, 2009). Importantly, to reap the benefits of self-compassion, we don’t need to compare(link is external) ourselves to others or inflate our egos. Thus, self-compassion can lead to greater emotional resilience(link is external), since unlike self-esteem, our heightened feelings of self-worth will not be contingent on our successes…
…keep reading the full & original article HERE