19 Aug 4 simple ways to be more confident with others
There’s no doubt that happiness is significantly influenced by the number and nature of our relationships.
Accordingly, there’s also no doubt that having difficulty talking to or interacting with others can have a negative impact on one’s happiness.
Becoming more confident talking to others, therefore, can boost happiness and here’s how you can do it better…
via the Ladders by Nicolas Cole
Most people see confidence as something you’re born with—you either have it or you don’t.
But the truth is, confidence is just like any other personality trait. If you want to be more patient, you have to practice patience. If you want to be more compassionate, you have to practice compassion. If you want to be more thoughtful, you have to practice doing things intentionally. And if you want to be confident, well then, you simply have to practice being confident.
Unfortunately, there is a lot of bad advice out there about what “being confident” actually means in the first place.
People love repeating the same tired clichés: “You have to dress the part, and pull your shoulders back to show that you carry yourself well.” But are these really the things that command respect? Is “commanding” respect really even the thing you want in the first place?
I wasn’t all that confident growing up. I was the kid who couldn’t quite find his group of friends in the lunchroom, spent most weekends alone and in my own imagination. And when it came to school dances, I either sat on the rim by myself or just didn’t attend at all. I had a good bit of social anxiety all through high school, and it wasn’t until half-way through college that I started to come out of my shell.
Now? My social life as an entrepreneur and founder is so different than who I was growing up, I genuinely wonder if the memories I have of myself are real at all. And I’ve also learned, first-hand, that confidence is absolutely something you can practice and acquire—and it’s also something that has very little to do with “puffing your chest out” and wearing trendy clothes.
Once I started making these shifts in the way I saw the world, everything around me began to change:
Shift #1: Confidence lives by the rule of opposites—and once you see it, you won’t forget it
It took me a long time to realize that the people who wanted to prove how confident they were, were actually the most insecure.
This reminds me of a quote from the movie American Gangster where the main character (played by Denzel Washington) says to his lavishly-dressed younger brother, “That. What you got on. That’s a very, very, very nice suit? That’s a clown suit. That’s a costume. With a big sign on it that says, ‘Arrest Me.’ You understand? You’re too loud. You’re making too much noise. Look at me: The loudest one in the room is the weakest one in the room.”
Now, I’m all for creative expression, wear whatever you want to wear, etc. That’s not the point I’m trying to illustrate.
The point is, the world often deduces that if you stand out, you are, by definition, “more confident.” But that couldn’t be farther from the truth. And oftentimes, it’s the complete opposite: people stand out (with clothes, with jewelry, etc.,) to compensate for something deeper.
You want to have plenty of that “something deeper.”
Then, whatever you wear, however you carry yourself, amplifies what’s already there…
…keep reading the full & original story HERE